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Premature Ejaculation

Anxiety is often the cause of premature ejaculation. In an extramarital relationship a man may ejaculate as soon as he penetrates his partner's vagina, despite the fact that he does not have this problem with his wife. This is a sign of guilt. A man may also ejaculate before he wishes to if he feels frightened that his technique is not good enough, and ejaculating quickly will prevent him from having to reveal his lack of experience.

Believing that sex is bad because of what you were told as a child is another possible cause of premature ejaculation. If as a boy, you were punished for masturbating, you may have taught yourself to come quickly to lessen the chance of being found out and to minimize the guilt you felt at your own pleasure.

Fear of getting too close to another person may also be a contributing factor. Intimacy always brings with it the risk of loss, and the unbearable pain attendant on that loss. Subconsciously, a man who gets sex over with quickly may be trying to protect himself from close emotional involvement.

Several techniques can help men last longer, and these should be used in conjunction with examining the cause of the problem. Understanding what is wrong often brings its own release.

The stop-start technique for delaying ejaculation

The aim of these exercises is to learn to keep yourself below the point at which ejaculation seems inevitable for as long as possible. Men who do not have a partner can practice the first three steps. In them selves, they will help you gain a greater measure of control. For the final four steps you will need the co-operation of a partner.

* Step one Masturbate with a dry hand. Avoid fantasizing, and concentrate instead on the sensation in your penis. Allow the pleasure to build up but stop immediately you feel you are about to lose control. Relax for a while, still keeping your mind free of fantasies, until the danger of ejaculation has passed, then begin again. Following the same pattern, aim to continue stopping and starting for 15 minutes without orgasm. You may not be able to manage it at first, but keep trying. As you get more practiced, you will probably find you have to stop less often. When you have completed three 15-minute sessions on three consecutive occasions (not necessarily one immediately after the other!), proceed to step two.

* Step two involves masturbating with a lubricating jelly to heighten sensation, and make delay more difficult. Follow the technique in step one until you have completed three separate consecutive sessions as above.

* Step three You will now have gained a good measure of control. The next step involves masturbating with a dry hand for 15 minutes before ejaculation. Keep focusing on your penis rather than fantasizing. When you feel yourself getting dangerously excited, don't stop, but instead, change rhythm or alter your strokes in such a way that the pressure to ejaculate fades. Experiment to see which strokes excite you most, and which allow you most control. Work on this step until you have completed three consecutive sessions as before. 

* Step four Now involve your partner. Lie on your back and get her to masturbate you with a dry hand, as in step one. Concentrate on the sensations in your penis and ask her to stop every time you get too aroused before the 15 minutes is up. The aim is to last for three consecutive 15-minute sessions.

* Step five Repeat step four, but ask your partner to use a lubricant while she masturbates you. You will find ejaculation much more difficult to control, and you may have to ask her to stop more often. Once you have mastered three consecutive 15-minute sessions, you are ready to try the stop-start technique with intercourse.

* Step Six The best position for delaying ejaculation is with the woman on top. Once you are inside her, ask her to move gently. Put your hands on her hips so that you can let her know with your hands when you want her to stop, and when you are ready for her to start again. Again, aim to last for 15 minutes, but if you can't, don't worry; you can start again once you recover your erection, and the second time you will probably have more control. During intercourse, concentrate entirely on yourself. Give your partner your full concentration and bring her to orgasm either before or afterwards, with oral or manual stimulation.

* Step seven Move on to other positions. It is more difficult to delay -ejaculation with the man on top, so save this until last.

 

The squeeze technique for delaying ejaculation

The 'squeeze' action is designed to cause your erection to subside, and it can be applied every time you get too close to ejaculation. Your partner performs the squeeze by gripping your penis firmly, and pressing with her thumb on the frenulum. This is the place on the underside of the penis where the head joins the shaft. At the same time, she presses on the opposite side of the penis with her forefinger, and with her other fingers curled round the shaft. It is important that she presses fairly hard on the penis and doesn't move her hand while doing so. Too light a touch could cause you to ejaculate straight away.

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* Step one Get your partner to masturbate you with a dry hand. Any time you get too close to ejaculation, signal to her to stop and squeeze your penis. As with the stop-start technique, aim to last for three consecutive 15minute sessions before moving on to step two.

* Step two get your partner to masturbate you slowly and gently as before, but this time ask her to use a lubricant. Follow the procedure for step one.

* Step three now you are ready for intercourse, but not for thrusting. Instead, lie on your back and ask your partner to sit on top of you, with your penis inside her. Neither of you should move. As soon as you feel the urge to come, your partner should rise off you (this movement is dangerous as it applies stimulation), and immediately hold your penis in the squeeze grip. Repeat the exercise a couple of times before you allow yourself to ejaculate.

* Step four When you feel more confident about your self-control, ask your partner to move gently while she sits on top of you in the same position. When you feel the urge to ejaculate, she should move off you and squeeze as before, until you can last 15 minutes without ejaculating.

* Step five you are now ready to try other positions, but remember that with the man on top, you will have least control. As with the stop-start technique, during intercourse you should focus all attention on yourself. Your partner will not feel neglected if you bring her to orgasm orally or manually either before or after intercourse.


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